Have you ever stopped to think about the type of person you are or the type of person you want to be? If you haven’t, here are seven reasons why you should.
1. To know yourself better.
Some people go through life never reflecting on the type of person they are. We get so many messages growing up from our parents, friends, strangers, teachers, mentors, and bosses. Even society likes to place whole groups of people into limiting categories (e.g., Baby Boomers, Generation X, Generation Y, or Millennials). Just because you were brought up in a particular generation doesn’t mean you behave, express, or believe similarly. It’s like someone saying because you are a cat, you act like all cats. There are 38 species of cats on the planet. Are you like a tabby, a Persian, a cheetah, a leopard, or a lion? You are a unique individual. Find out who you are and let your authentic self shine!
2. To assess what characteristics are part of your value system.
We assign value not only to our own, but to other people’s personality characteristics. If you value hard work, but sit around and check out Facebook or the Internet all day long, something doesn’t add up. Either you don’t value hard work, or something stops you from being the person you value and want to be. This disconnect could be many things, such as a lack of self-confidence, or mental, emotional, or physical distress. Or maybe you do not feel challenged by your work, are not passionate about it, or the job goes against your value system.
Once you figure out your personality characteristics, then you are more likely to assess other people’s traits and discern the type of people you want in your life. For example, if you value honesty, do you have honest people in your life? If not, why not? Use the list below to pick out 10-15 personality characteristics you value in other people, and rank them from least important to most important. Once you create this list, you now have something to gauge the people you meet.
Looking closely at other people’s traits isn’t about judgment or judging them. The intention is not to go around and pick out the things you dislike in people (for example, you don’t like her hair or how she dresses). When you assess traits in others, you learn about the core values that matter to you. If the essential people in your life don’t have those core values, then it will bump up against your value system, and you won’t feel good being around these people. Once you know your value system, you might have to do some housecleaning and remove some people from your life.
3. To clarify where you are in your life and where you want to be.
When you know your personality characteristics, it helps you to clarify where you are in your life. When you know yourself well, it is easier to make decisions aligned with the person you are. It is also easier to set goals for yourself. There is an ability to be self-reflective about yourself and your life and to course-correct as necessary.
4. To acknowledge the truth about the type of person you are.
We tend to be our own worst enemy. We all have, to some degree, negative self-talk and limiting beliefs of ourselves. Within the first seven years of your life, several limiting beliefs have already been implanted into your subconscious mind. Here are some examples of limiting beliefs: I am bad, I am stupid, I am not lovable, I am not good enough, or I am unworthy. As such, these limiting beliefs run subconsciously without detection. As a child and adolescent, you don’t have a fully-formed rational brain to help uncover and challenge these limiting beliefs.
What limiting beliefs do you have of yourself? Start to increase your self-awareness around your thoughts. Write down all your negative self-talk and limiting beliefs. Then start to challenge these thoughts. Write down the limiting belief on the top of the page (for example, I am stupid) and then underneath write down all the things about yourself that disproves the limiting belief (for example, I finished high school, I have a degree, I can do my taxes, I can do my job, etc.). This list is your truth. Once you know the type of person you are, and see yourself realistically and truthfully, you will be less likely to buy into negative self-talk and limiting beliefs.
5. To acknowledge and accept the shadow part of your personality.
Your “shadow” is the part of your personality that you don’t like to admit you have. The shadow is unknown and hidden in the unconscious part of your brain. Through self-awareness and self-reflection, you can start to uncover the shadow parts of yourself that you don’t like to acknowledge. For example, your dad was angry and yelled at you often as a child. You talk about how much you hate how your dad yells and is angry all the time. Yet, you don’t acknowledge anger in yourself when you yell at your partner or your kids for not doing something.
Why is it important to know your shadow? First, so your shadow doesn’t end up ruling your life. If you don’t acknowledge your shadow, it will show up when you least want it to, and you will experience a loss of control. When you can recognize your shadow and see it realistically, you are more apt to notice when it shows up, question why it is showing up, and start to change your behavior to the person you want to be. If you befriend your shadow, you can look at why it is showing up in your life—there is a reason. It has a lesson to tell you. For example, you play the victim with your friends, telling them how ungrateful your adult daughter is, that she takes advantage of you, and is disrespectful and under-appreciative. Yet, you enable your daughter when you always give her money. You play the victim, yet you cannot hold your boundaries and say no to your daughter.
Second, so you don’t project your shadow onto others. What is projection? Projection is when you deny your unwanted emotions or personality traits that you don’t like about yourself, and you impart them onto others. For example, you always talk and talk about yourself, and when a friend tries to add in how she’s doing, you tell her she is not a good listener and wants attention. It can be difficult and uncomfortable to look at ourselves realistically, but it is freeing when you do. It allows you to see all parts of yourself, the positive and negative characteristics. You don’t need to defend yourself, and you feel more comfortable being yourself.
I want to add that your shadow doesn’t have to be a negative characteristic. It can also be a positive trait. It is individual to the person. It is what you perceive about yourself. The unwanted emotion or personality trait is weak or dark and needs to be denied or hidden. A shadow can be your rage or laziness, but it can also be your intelligence, gifts, or emotional sensitivity. We all have shadow parts of ourselves. Embrace and befriend your shadow!
6. To provide you with accurate information about yourself.
If someone challenges the type of person you are, you can speak to its validity or deny its existence. For example, if someone says you are unkind, but you know yourself to be a kind person, this person’s perception is false. Instead, they are likely projecting their shadow self onto you. It allows you to stop taking what other people say about you personally. You no longer need to be accepted or validated by others. You know the truth of who you are!
7. To grow and cultivate the person you want to be.
As humans, we are ever-evolving. We can grow and change into whoever we want to be. Take the time for self-reflection. Are you the type of person you want to be? If not, then decide who you want to be and what personality characteristics you want to cultivate and start to become them. For example, if you want to be more adventurous, then start to take some adventures.
Personality Characteristics
In 1968, Norman Anderson created a comprehensive list of 555 personality characteristics.1 He then had hundreds of students rank them from most desirable to most distasteful. The top four are sincere, honest, understanding, and loyal. The most distasteful are cruel, mean, phony, and liar. Listed below are the 555 words in order according to the average of the students’ ratings.
After the 555 personality characteristics, there is also a smaller list of additional personality characteristics from other sources. Although these lists are not exhaustive, they will help you to determine some of your personality characteristics, those you wish to cultivate more, and those you see as your shadow self.
EXERCISE
Go through the list using three different colored highlighters. First, go through the list and highlight what you see as your positive characteristics. Second, using another colored highlighter, highlight all the positive attributes you would like to grow or cultivate more. Third, go through the list with the last highlighter and highlight the negative characteristics that are your shadow side.
You can also go through this list to choose the values that you deem important for the people in your life to have. Likely, they will be similar to your own, but some maybe completely different.
- Sincere
- Honest
- Understanding
- Loyal
- Truthful
- Trustworthy
- Intelligent
- Dependable
- Open-Minded
- Thoughtful
- Wise
- Considerate
- Good-Natured
- Reliable
- Mature
- Warm
- Earnest
- Kind
- Friendly
- Kind-Hearted
- Happy
- Clean
- Interesting
- Unselfish
- Good-Humored
- Honorable
- Humorous
- Responsible
- Cheerful
- Trustful
- Warm-Hearted
- Broad-Minded
- Gentle
- Well-Spoken
- Educated
- Reasonable
- Companionable
- Likable
- Trusting
- Clever
- Pleasant
- Courteous
- Quick-Witted
- Tactful
- Helpful
- Appreciative
- Imaginative
- Outstanding
- Self-Disciplined
- Brilliant
- Enthusiastic
- Level-Headed
- Polite
- Original
- Smart
- Forgiving
- Sharp-Witted
- Well-Read
- Ambitious
- Bright
- Respectful
- Efficient
- Good-Tempered
- Grateful
- Conscientious
- Resourceful
- Alert
- Good
- Witty
- Clear-Headed
- Kindly
- Admirable
- Patient
- Talented
- Perceptive
- Spirited
- Sportsmanlike
- Well-Mannered
- Cooperative
- Ethical
- Intellectual
- Versatile
- Capable
- Courageous
- Constructive
- Productive
- Progressive
- Individualistic
- Observant
- Ingenious
- Lively
- Neat
- Punctual
- Logical
- Prompt
- Accurate
- Sensible
- Creative
- Self-Reliant
- Tolerant
- Amusing
- Clean-Cut
- Generous
- Sympathetic
- Energetic
- High-Spirited
- Self-Controlled
- Tender
- Active
- Independent
- Respectable
- Inventive
- Wholesome
- Congenial
- Cordial
- Experienced
- Attentive
- Cultured
- Frank
- Purposeful
- Decent
- Diligent
- Realist
- Eager
- Poised
- Competent
- Realistic
- Amiable
- Optimistic
- Vigorous
- Entertaining
- Adventurous
- Vivacious
- Composed
- Relaxed
- Romantic
- Proficient
- Rational
- Skillful
- Enterprising
- Gracious
- Able
- Nice
- Agreeable
- Skilled
- Curious
- Modern
- Charming
- Sociable
- Modest
- Decisive
- Humble
- Tidy
- Popular
- Upright
- Literary
- Practical
- Light-Hearted
- Well-Bred
- Refined
- Self-Confident
- Cool-Headed
- Studious
- Adventuresome
- Discreet
- Informal
- Thorough
- Exuberant
- Inquisitive
- Easygoing
- Outgoing
- Self-Sufficient
- Casual
- Consistent
- Moral
- Self-Assured
- Untiring
- Hopeful
- Calm
- Strong-Minded
- Positive
- Confident
- Artistic
- Precise
- Scientific
- Orderly
- Social
- Direct
- Careful
- Candid
- Comical
- Obliging
- Self-Critical
- Fashionable
- Religious
- Soft-Hearted
- Dignified
- Philosophical
- Idealistic
- Soft-Spoken
- Disciplined
- Serious
- Definite
- Convincing
- Persuasive
- Obedient
- Quick
- Sophisticated
- Thrifty
- Sentimental
- Objective
- Nonconforming
- Righteous
- Mathematical
- Meditative
- Fearless
- Systematic
- Subtle
- Normal
- Daring
- Middle Class
- Lucky
- Proud
- Sensitive
- Moralistic
- Talkative
- Excited
- Moderate
- Satirical
- Prudent
- Reserved
- Persistent
- Meticulous
- Unconventional
- Deliberate
- Painstaking
- Bold
- Suave
- Cautious
- Innocent
- Inoffensive
- Shrewd
- Methodical
- Nonchalant
- Self-Contented
- Perfectionistic
- Forward
- Excitable
- Outspoken
- Prideful
- Quiet
- Impulsive
- Aggressive
- Changeable
- Conservative
- Shy
- Hesitant
- Unpredictable
- Solemn
- Blunt
- Self-Righteous
- Average
- Discriminating
- Emotional
- Unlucky
- Bashful
- Self-Concerned
- Authoritative
- Lonesome
- Restless
- Choosy
- Self-Possessed
- Naive
- Opportunist
- Theatrical
- Unsophisticated
- Impressionable
- Ordinary
- Strict
- Skeptical
- Extravagant
- Forceful
- Cunning
- Inexperienced
- Unmethodical
- Daredevil
- Wordy
- Daydreamer
- Conventional
- Materialistic
- Self-Satisfied
- Rebellious
- Eccentric
- Opinionated
- Stern
- Lonely
- Dependent
- Unsystematic
- Self-Conscious
- Undecided
- Resigned
- Clownish
- Anxious
- Conforming
- Critical
- Conformist
- Radical
- Dissatisfied
- Old-Fashioned
- Meek
- Frivolous
- Discontented
- Troubled
- Irreligious
- Overcautious
- Silent
- Tough
- Ungraceful
- Argumentative
- Withdrawing
- Uninquisitive
- Forgetful
- Inhibited
- Unskilled
- Crafty
- Passive
- Immodest
- Unpopular
- Timid
- Spendthrift
- Temperamental
- Gullible
- Indecisive
- Silly
- Submissive
- Unstudious
- Preoccupied
- Tense
- Fearful
- Unromantic
- Absent-Minded
- Impractical
- Withdrawn
- Unadventurous
- Sarcastic
- Sad
- Unemotional
- Worrying
- High-Strung
- Unoriginal
- Unpoised
- Compulsive
- Worrier
- Demanding
- Unhappy
- Indifferent
- Uncultured
- Clumsy
- Insecure
- Unentertaining
- Imitative
- Melancholy
- Mediocre
- Obstinate
- Unhealthy
- Headstrong
- Nervous
- Nonconfident
- Stubborn
- Unimaginative
- Down-Hearted
- Unobservant
- Inconsistent
- Unpunctual
- Unindustrious
- Disturbed
- Superstitious
- Frustrated
- Illogical
- Rash
- Unenthusiastic
- Inaccurate
- Noninquisitive
- Unagreeable
- Jumpy
- Possessive
- Purposeless
- Moody
- Unenterprising
- Unintellectual
- Unwise
- Oversensitive
- Inefficient
- Reckless
- Pompous
- Uncongenial
- Untidy
- Unaccommodating
- Noisy
- Squeamish
- Cynical
- Angry
- Listless
- Uninspiring
- Unintelligent
- Domineering
- Scolding
- Depressed
- Unobliging
- Pessimistic
- Unattentive
- Boisterous
- Suspicious
- Inattentive
- Overconfident
- Smug
- Unsociable
- Unproductive
- Wasteful
- Fickle
- Neglectful
- Short-Tempered
- Hot-Headed
- Unsocial
- Envious
- Overcritical
- Scheming
- Sly
- Weak
- Foolhardy
- Immature
- Dominating
- Showy
- Sloppy
- Unsympathetic
- Uncompromising
- Hot-Tempered
- Neurotic
- Unsporting
- Finicky
- Resentful
- Unruly
- Fault-Finding
- Messy
- Misfit
- Uninteresting
- Scornful
- Antisocial
- Irritable
- Stingy
- Tactless
- Careless
- Foolish
- Troublesome
- Ungracious
- Negligent
- Wishy-Washy
- Profane
- Gloomy
- Helpless
- Disagreeable
- Touchy
- Irrational
- Tiresome
- Disobedient
- Complaining
- Lifeless
- Vain
- Lazy
- Unappreciative
- Maladjusted
- Aimless
- Boastful
- Dull
- Gossipy
- Unappealing
- Hypochondriac
- Irritating
- Petty
- Shallow
- Deceptive
- Grouchy
- Egotistical
- Meddlesome
- Uncivil
- Cold
- Unsportsmanlike
- Bossy
- Unpleasing
- Cowardly
- Discourteous
- Incompetent
- Childish
- Superficial
- Ungrateful
- Self-Conceited
- Hard-Hearted
- Unfair
- Irresponsible
- Prejudiced
- Bragging
- Jealous
- Unpleasant
- Unreliable
- Impolite
- Crude
- Nosey
- Humorless
- Quarrelsome
- Abusive
- Distrustful
- Intolerant
- Unforgiving
- Boring
- Unethical
- Unreasonable
- Self-Centered
- Snobbish
- Unkindly
- Ill-Mannered
- Ill-Tempered
- Unfriendly
- Hostile
- Dislikable
- Ultra-Critical
- Offensive
- Belligerent
- Underhanded
- Annoying
- Disrespectful
- Loud-Mouthed
- Selfish
- Narrow-Minded
- Vulgar
- Heartless
- Insolent
- Thoughtless
- Rude
- Conceited
- Greedy
- Spiteful
- Insulting
- Insincere
- Unkind
- Untrustworthy
- Deceitful
- Dishonorable
- Malicious
- Obnoxious
- Untruthful
- Dishonest
- Cruel
- Mean
- Phony
- Liar
Some may be duplicates of Anderson’s list above, but the below list of additional characteristics is worth mentioning. They were comprised from several sources by compatibilitycode.com. These words are not ranked and are listed alphabetically.
- Accepting
- Accommodating
- Affectionate
- Affirming
- Agreeable
- Alluring
- Altruistic
- Ambitious
- Amiable
- Analytical
- Appreciative
- Articulate
- Assertive
- Attentive
- Authentic
- Balanced
- Candid
- Careful
- Caring
- Cheerful
- Comforting
- Communicative
- Compassionate
- Competent
- Congenial
- Conscientious
- Cooperative
- Courageous
- Creative
- Decisive
- Diplomatic
- Discreet
- Easy going
- Educated
- Effective
- Efficient
- Encouraging
- Enthusiastic
- Extroverted
- Flexible
- Forgiving
- Forthright
- Friendly
- Frugal
- Genuine
- Godly
- Graceful
- Growing
- Hard Working
- Helpful
- Honest
- Humble
- Humorous
- Imaginative
- Industrious
- Insightful
- Intelligent
- Intuitive
- Anderson, N. H. (1968). Likableness ratings of 555 personality-trait words. Journal of Social Psychology, 9, 272-279.
- Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash
Vicky Roubekas Psychology 